mood/activities/thoughts: (morning) I had some pretty dark nightmares last night. I’ve had nightmares about 3 nights in a row now. I’m sure they’re connected to how I’ve been feeling in general with what’s been happening in my life, and I’m thankful for the dreams clarifying that I need to move forward with my life. Although I wake up with pain and fear from the dreams, I somehow find more courage to keep pushing throughout the day. Whether it’s to move forward with my hobbies or work, I can appreciate the mental clarity the dreams give me, the message that I need to re-balance things for myself. It kind of confirms to me that I’m on the right path, that sometimes it takes destruction to grow for the better. I’ve learned so much in the past year, especially about myself, my strengths and weaknesses, and what I want/don’t want, and what truly serves me and I should give my energy to. Got a few jobs today, so the rest of the time will be dedicated to my hobbies and exercising for a healthier body, mind, soul 🙂

Tarot Card: The Sun, reversed

(I used the Rider Waite Deck this time)

Notes on card: unable to see bright side of things, feeling left out in the cold by someone, difficult to see a way forward with partner, the need for some quality time together, unrealistic career goals, maybe being more competitive is better, might experience financial hardship, not taking practical enough steps to get where you want, attitude may cause negative health problems

Reflection: There are some things I haven’t addressed, including my health which appears to deteriorate every time I lose sleep or don’t feel emotionally or mentally well. I feel things physically, just like my heart actually hurting after the nightmares. I have definitely been feeling left out in the cold and ignored in one specific aspect, and therefore want to step away and focus on rebuilding myself for myself. When someone shows that I cannot depend on them when I’m at my lowest, that’s when I believe there is nothing left for me to do but move forward to do things I love, even if it means being alone. I never feared being alone, just not having people who have my best interests at heart, or who are not there for me when I need them but expect that from me. I’m starting to wake up and want to be more practical and logical with the things I can accept and shouldn’t accept in my life.