Mood/activities/thoughts: (Evening) Mostly just lazed around, letting myself feel the pain out. I feel like I wasted the whole day though, so I must work hard on tarot after this, and work out as well. AH wait I need to do SESIS notes too still. Everything feels surreal, but so real at the same time. I need to concentrate my hurt into my hobbies so I can feel proud of myself. I just worked once with a new kid from the past, and the rest of the time was me resting my drained brain and heart. Going to work out now. Then work hard.

Tarot Card: Four of Wands, upright
Notes on card: happy family life, success, stability, security and laying down roots, parties, welcoming ceremonies, baptisms and family coming together,  reunion so a past love may come back into your life when it appears, good health,vitality
*This card only popped up after my specific question, not my daily reading.* I guess that’s why it doesn’t really relate to my feelings..

Daily reading tarot card: Five of Pentacles, upright
Notes on card: hardship, loss, isolation, feeling abandoned, adversity, struggle, unemployment, alienation, disgrace, deep loneliness, time of hardship, feeling ignored, unloved, feeling distant, rejected

Oracle: Poised
Notes on oracle (from myself): composed, staying self-assured and calm, graceful, balanced

Reflection: The new card (5 of pentacles) is what made more sense and aligns with how I’m feeling. This is a hard time for me, and I have to deal alone. Still, I’m trying so hard to stay balanced and composed, not to let myself lose all of me to the point where I can’t recognize myself. I need to focus on loving myself by working on what I truly want, continue to take care best I can, and being loving toward myself. I want to just heal and remove all the pain, but I know it will take time.