Mood/activities/thoughts: (evening/night) Made some candles, a card, did two jobs, got my bike finally and opened it up. It’s actually pretty regular size, and much heavier than I thought. The box it came in, well, I could even fit in there haha. Anyway, it looks very nice though! Here’s a picture after I took it for a five mile ride with my friend:)

It’s sturdy, quite smooth, with good tires and brakes. It feels a bit heavy but at the same time I like it that way while riding I think. Being out in nature, taking care of myself and my health and working on hobbies really helps me stay level-headed. I just want to leave here though and go see the world before the school year starts up again Sept 2nd..but maybe I need to focus more on hobbies first. I still feel stuck on bad feelings and thoughts, but I get better when I truly am productive in hobbies or taking care of myself. I need to make sure I continue to push myself to do my best. What wants to come and choose to be in my life will and I will not try to force anything to happen. I recognize that if something that was naturally and happily given before is now stressful and no longer wanted by others, I should respect them too, and move forward. Settling for less than you want or like just to cater to someone else will never lead to happiness.

Tarot Card: Six of Swords, upright

Notes on card: moving on, reconciliation, transition that doesn’t make you happy, struggle reaching its end, going towards a brighter future, ready to leave old wounds behind, steady progress on projects, going away from financial struggles, forcing you to leave something behind in order to move forward, look toward future for strength to move on,  plan anew that will lead you to happiness

Reflection:  This definitely makes sense. I’ve been feeling sadness from having to move forward in life, still wishing sometimes that things were different. I give myself chances thinking I could handle but sometimes it’s not about what you can handle, it should be about is that what you want to handle? Or, what are people showing me that they care about? How much are they willing to do to show me I matter, and that this is cherished? Words can be easily used, but actions show truth. I know what I deserve, want and need, and would prefer moving forward alone than with people who cannot respect or support them. I think it takes a lot more courage to do than just saying it, but hopefully, I can gain back the happiness within me to stay confident in my choices.