Mood/activities/thoughts: All jobs cancelled on me today…maybe they still got weekend fever? Haha. Or just have too much on their plate. I tried to be productive anyway by working out, doing tarot, watching videos, helping mom dye her hair, and then returning an amazon item to the UPS store. Super hot out today, kind of wish I went for a run. However, I felt like I’d be giving Tarot too little time, and felt a little dizzy already so went home instead. Although I did 30 minutes hula hooping, after situps, squats, and pushups, I still feel like I could do more but sometimes I end up stopping instead. I got sweaty, and just wanted to eat junk food 🙁 like cup noodles…and I ended up eating it. I guess a part of me is motivated to work out to allow myself cheat meals like that..I just don’t feel like eating in between food lately. It’s either complete junk food, or something super healthy like a smoothie. Mom and dad has been super into that stuff after seeing me make them with my frozen fruits, so they’ve taken initiative to make them daily for all of us at night. I am blessed. However, I still want to buy my frozen fruits because that frozen taste is just way more preferred than a lukewarm smoothie! Plus then I can make them myself and have them do less. I’ve been feeling in an okay mood today, just want to get on with my hobbies and live life. I feel I will be able to accept what is healthy for me, and leave the rest behind. If something is for me, I will feel it and get to choose. However, if I still feel the way I have for the past couple of weeks after a while, then there is no point in putting full effort and energy into any situation that doesn’t respect me, my time nor my needs/wants/morals in actions. Anyway, since I CAN control how much I respect myself and my future, I will be looking forward to continuing my productivity this week.
Tarot Card: The Star, reversed

Notes from card: feeling as though everything has turned against you, lost faith, self doubt and a loss of faith is clouding your judgement,  remember all the wonderful things about yourself,  doubting love, negativity is having an effect on your work, although things may be tense right now maybe it isn’t as bad as you make it, be positive and maybe more opportunities will open up

Reflection: It’s kind of funny when I try to avoid talking negatively, although I may feel it within me, and the cards just don’t lie and reveal me straight up. Yes, I have lost a lot of hope and faith from all that’s happened. I have seen it affect my productivity too. But, I do remember the good things about me, maybe I just need to not let my negative thoughts hinder how I perform and portray myself. I need to focus on being strong, and realize that I don’t have it so bad. I can always pick myself up or choose another way to handle things better. This is why I’m trying to channel more energy into my hobbies, because I believe I CAN make something of it.