mood/activities/thoughts: (night) had a good time hiking with my high school girlfriends today at buttermilk falls. It was a spontaneous event, but everyone said yes without doubt of the location, since last week. It turned out to be amazing, and a great time of catching up with them. It did make us all feel old for once though, knees and feet hurting, back hurting..I guess we aren’t the young people we were ten years ago when we ran 6 miles in the morning for gym class.
Feel quite down now due to how he just treated me outside. He made me feel like shit for helping a homeless person pick up his quarters. I just didn’t want him worrying about carrying so many bags, and that’s why I told him not to touch my bag..using the excuse that it was clean, and he got upset for me touching an homeless persons things but not let him touch my bag. He doesn’t get my intentions, but gave me an attitude instead. That felt like shit. I cried in the bathroom to let it out. But things just don’t feel the same already. I just feel like he can control my emotions so easily, hurt me so easily without thinking at any moment. At any moment, he can go from supporting and taking care of me, to completely dropping his senses and throw me to the side with his actions. I feel so empty, so unsafe and insecure, having to worry the next time he’s going to leave me feeling unsafe. I wish he could treat me right despite his feelings, I wish he could stop taking his misunderstandings and negative assumptions out on me. This is going to just make me feel down for longer. Sometimes I wonder why my heart forgives so easily even after its been let down multiple times by the same person

Tarot Card: Page of Wands, reversed

Notes on card: wondering if relationship will work out, are you well suited for each other,partner who is selfish, lazy, attention may be starting to wander, not putting your feelings first,not interested in dating, little effort, not finding someone for a relationship,fearful of taking new direction, but you need to learn and grow by stepping out of your comfort zone,fiery personality getting in trouble, not sure what they want, unreliable, something is holding you back so you lack motivation or don’t know how to proceed, reminder that good and bad will come and go..be careful of finances, try to save

Reflection: I just want to stop hurting and going for someone who doesn’t treat me right when I need it most. Why does he easily treat me like shit and act like my morals and what I care about doesn’t matter, how does he easily throw his character away to say shit things, I don’t know. I just know that I’m tired of being treated wrong, tired of crying alone to sleep, tired of going through the same thing every time I trust him again